Yep, we all knew we’d hear those words at some point, right. Except instead of it coming out of my son’s mouth it came out of mine. I couldn’t believe I said it, yet I REALLY meant it at that moment.
It was a school morning and I was running around packing the lunches for him and his sister, and had just made him a fresh fruit smoothie for his breakfast when I realized that I had mistakenly eaten the last of the Frosted Mini Wheats last night as my midnight snack. Well, his sister ONLY eats Frosted Mini Wheats so we were in a real crisis moment here. She was running late and hadn’t even started to get dressed for school yet, I looked over and saw him just sitting there reading a comic book. So since we literally live about 10 feet from a Starbucks I asked him if he could run across the street and get a bagel for her while I finished making his smoothie. Well, of course a huge argument ensued as he listed all of his reasons why he shouldn’t have to do it. It was unbelievable! Seriously, this kid who was sitting there doing NOTHING couldn’t do this to help out the morning situation. I was so blown away by the total disregard for anyone/anything but himself that I just lost it and yelled out “I hate you.”
What I meant (?) or should have said was I hate people who are as selfish as you, but no instead of lashing out against the ‘behavior’ of the ADHD kid, I lashed out at the actual kid. But, tell me, was this unacceptable behavior the kid’s fault or the fault of the ADHD? After all that is done for this kid it was beyond me that he couldn’t just do this one thing. He wasn’t in the middle of an X-box game, he certainly wasn’t overwhelmed by anything since he was just lounging on the couch looking at comic book, so was I really supposed to be okay with this incredible level of selfishness just because he has ADHD. This certainly wasn’t any kind of attentional issue, this was just a plain lazy and bad attitude. I couldn’t believe that those words came out of my mouth, but I have to say that I have never felt so justified in making a point.
Ironically, after I dropped him off at school he called to say that he had forgotten to print out his homework assignment that was on my computer so I had to print it out for him and drive BACK to the school. Then he called again, right after I returned home for the second time to then tell me he had forgotten his assignment pad. My desire to say, “oh, I can’t bring that to you because I’m reading a comic book” was so tempting, but of course, like any mother would, I got back in the car for the THIRD time that morning and drove the assignment pad over to the school.
So, again I ask……..ADHD or selfishness. How do we know and when should we treat the bad behavior like we would with any other kid.
life and adhd 
Ouch. Mornings are the worst. I imagine he was being lazy, especially considering the bagel wouldn’t be for him. Maybe next time throw in some extra cash for 2 bagels.
We’ve all lost it with our kiddos at some point in time. I would apologize to him for losing your temper and remind him that when we make mistakes, we should own up to them. It’s a great opportunity to model good behavior!
I agree with Kelly. I have had plenty of moments where I’ve acted in the heat of the moment. But I always take the time to apologize and point out that we all lose our temper some time, but it’s what you do with it that counts. And if there was negative behavior on his part that instigated my bad behavior, I point that out, too, and talk about how the whole situation could have gone better.
Good luck! Hope it’s a better day!
Thanks for your comments Kelly and dmd!
I love this kid with all my heart and I always make sure to apologize as well as try to wrap the whole incident up in a ‘life lesson.” But if I’m being honest here, it seems as if the apologies somehow play off – in his mind – as a slight victory for him. It’s like “yep, made mom apologize to me again, score one for the kid.” With these ADHD kids since they aren’t really aware of the true time line that transpires…….you kicked your sister THAT’S why she hit you………doesn’t register with them that they started the incident. My son will only look at the fact that his sister hit him, he doesn’t seem to have the ability to see that it was the kick, HIS action, that caused his sister to hit him. That’s what worries me about apologizing sometimes, he just registers mom apologizing and not that he did something to start the chain of events. So, the ‘life lesson’ , or example, that I’m hoping to teach by the apology never feels like it’s really there.
I apologize for losing my temper, but my apologize doesn’t negate discipline. My kid is an instigator, too, so we’re quick to draw the line right back to his original behavior. My favorite is forcing him to do it himself (“She hit me!” “Why did she hit you?” “For no reason!” “What were you doing when she hit you?” “I was just sitting there with my foot in her face!” “So your foot was in her face and you’re upset that she hit you when you wouldn’t move it?” “Yes!” “Too bad!”)