I wonder what it would be like if adults could just let it out like kids do? Would every thing turn to chaos, or would we all actually be a little more relaxed because we’re not walking around with all this stress and angst bottled up inside of us? Just a thought……….
Yesterday morning I went to my car to discover my tire, yet again, almost flat. This would be my fifth day in a row of having to put air in my tire on my way to work. I finally gave in and called with an excuse for being late to work so I could finally have the darn thing fixed. I don’t have any extra money right now, so I was very worried about the cost. When it was done I was so relieved to find out that it only needed a patch instead of a whole new tire and the total cost to me was only $19.95. But, of course, they had discovered another problem. I only had the slightest inkling of a brake pad left on the tire and that was going to cost me more around $250. Not currently having the money, I passed on having it fixed right then. They said I only had a few days left to drive on it and I very well may be causing more damage every time I hit the brakes. Having no extra funds I had no choice but to leave and hope to negotiate some time off work next week (and find some extra money) to get it fixed. We’ll circle back to this situation in a bit.
Today I also have to take time off from work to attend a meeting with my son’s geometry teacher due to his lack of performance. After it taking a half hour to get him out of bed and fixing him a nice breakfast of pancakes and eggs (got to get that protein into him, right!) I proceeded to help him get his backpack and school papers together for his day. No matter what I did or said he was terribly belligerent and nasty to me. As I was organizing his papers for him I noticed that one of his Spanish assignments was only partially filled out, I got concerned and went onto the web site to see if this incomplete piece of paper was his homework from yesterday, only to find out that listed under today’s date it said……..Chapter 5 test HOY. I don’t have the first clue how to speak Spanish so I asked him what HOY meant. He yelled back, “oh my God, you are so annoying, you annoy everyone in your life no wonder you are middle-aged, have no one in your life except your cats.” Well, not the answer I was expecting, but whatever. I quickly googled HOY only to find out that it meant “today.” TODAY, oh my god I didn’t know about this test (he is already failing Spanish). I looked at Chapter 5 to see what the content was only to find out that the test would be all about the days of the week. How do you have a test about the days of the week and not know what HOY is?! Shouldn’t that be just a given if you’ve been studying the days of the week for the past 3 weeks? So, I guess this is where my totally forced morning “calm” gave way to mommy panic. When asking him why he didn’t know this and wasn’t he worried that he had a test today and that his grade could not get lower he starting yelling how I make everything his fault and it wasn’t his fault that the teacher was giving him a test, what was he supposed to do, it wasn’t his fault. Thinking, “oh, I have the perfect answer to that question I responded by saying, “that’s easy, what you’re supposed to do when you have a test is to study.” In all his ADHD-ness, he responded, “what, are you crazy, how would I possibly study for a test, I don’t know what’s on the test so how would I possibly know what to study?” I guess there is some bent logic in there somewhere, but I’m just not seeing it.
So, finally packed up and ready to go we proceeded to the car where I drive him the 3 blocks to school. Entirely unnecessary for me to drive him, but I figure it hopefully gives me some time where he is trapped and has to talk to me. I thought I’d be proactive and nice by not only reminding him of the afternoon meeting that was scheduled with his Geometry teacher but also to throw him a bone and say, “I just want you to know that this meeting isn’t about trying to bust you on stuff, they just want to meet so we can see if there is a way to get you more engaged in class.” He shot back some nasty retort about how the meeting was all my fault. Starting to get a little pissy myself I pointed out to him that this meeting had nothing to do with me and actually it was going to be quite a pain because I had to take time off work to attend it. He started on a rant about how it was all my fault, if I would just stop communicating with all his teachers then these meetings wouldn’t have to occur (yea, it’s all me not his failing grade that was the cause). Trying to keep my calm and not scream out, “HAVE YOU ABSOLUTELY LOST YOUR MIND, WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT YOU CRAZY LOON”, I then began a low-key tirade of facts surrounding the meeting. Somewhere in the middle of my logical talking points he yells out, “just shut it and drive, will ya!” So that was it, all logic, reasoning, sympathy for the ADHD brain totally evaporated in me and I slammed on the brakes (told you the brake story would come back around) and told him in words I will not print here to get out of my car.
I drove away, came back home and pulled out my new defense mechanism…..my little case of hidden cigarettes. I know, I know, totally stupid and I’m sure a giant tumor is forming in my lungs even as I write this. I don’t know when this ‘sneaking a cigarette’ first started but it has totally become my ‘go to’ when I’m at my breaking point with him. The really ridiculous part is I have to hide it so much that when I do sneak one I actually have to don my ‘smoking gear’. (Keep in mind I live on the east coast so we still have snow outside). God forbid that a teenage ADD-er finds out their mother smokes, this would be a complete free pass to pick up the habit themselves. So, I put this giant stocking cap I have so that the smoke doesn’t settle in my hair for him to smell, I put on giant sunglasses because the smoke really bothers my eyes, and I put on my ‘down-gown’ which I have come to call those floor length down jackets that us east-coasters constantly wear, in an attempt to keep the smoke from my clothes. So, there I am looking like a total freak to the neighbors sitting on my front steps (we don’t have back ones) resembling some kind of middle aged, mommy, unabomber with Vera Wang sunglasses. Ridiculous I know, but smoking that cigarette makes me feel like I have some control over my life…….yes, I know I need to figure out something a little healthier for my empowerment fix, but for now this seems to be it.
So, to bring this all back home…….I ask, now that I’ve undoubtedly stripped away the last shred of that little brake pad that was keeping the job at $250 as opposed to the $600 for whole new brake drums which I probably NOW need because I slammed on the brakes, add to that the fact that I’m undoubtedly giving myself some type of lung disease, and not forgetting to mention the neighbors think I’m a total whack job sitting on my steps sucking on this cigarette butt like it holds all of the answers to life……..who exactly is being affected by this state of ADHD…..the kid or me? How many of us are letting this diagnosis take more from our lives than it is taking from our kids life? Hmmm, something to think about.
life and adhd 